I gave up on myself.
In 8th grade I had a teacher show me that regardless of the effort I put out, they held the ultimate power to decide the final grade. Up until him, my grade point was a 4.0. After he put in my final grade it knocked me down to a 3.98 and left me as salutatorian of our class instead of Valedictorian. Still an accomplishment, but I was pissed.
I became disenchanted and bitter towards school, and teachers in general. My high school career was lackluster at best, while I still took advanced classes, I did just enough to pass. When I graduated high school I wasn't even a 3.0. I wanted out, I didn't want anything to do with school anymore. I enrolled in college anyway. Went to a local community college, took a few classes. I loved the fact that I could choose from a wide variety of subjects, and for a term took nothing but art classes. It was great.
But I still had a chip on my shoulder. I couldn't really get into it. Every class I took I eventually dropped. I had given up. I didn't see the point in even trying, it wouldn't do me any good.
I gave up on myself.
I had a plan for myself, I had a few career choices I wanted to pursue. I had dreams. BIG dreams! But I let all that go when I held onto that bitterness. I lost all motivation, all drive, all hope.
I wish I hadn't done that.
1 comment:
I wish I hadn't wasted some opportunities I had been given. I received a lot of scholarship money to go to college, and I completely squandered that year. I didn't study, I didn't show up for class half the time, and if I had stayed there, I would have lost my academic scholarship. I was too busy having fun and hanging out with my boyfriend to understand that it would take me years and years to pay back the student loans that essentially bought me nothing. I would have been better off not going than wasting my time. I know I can always go back and get my degree. I just hate that I wasted such a great opportunity.
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