Time for a change

I sit here barely listening to the television noise in the background, or the children playing upstairs… instead I am caught up once again in my thoughts of inadequacy. I am not where I want to be in my life, though anymore, I’m really not sure where it is I do want to be. I find that my days are better if I have some kind of project to complete, and mundane housework doesn’t count. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment and sitting at home with the kids all day doesn’t do it for me. I have to find a way out into the world, a way to get out and interact with other adults, preferably without the little people in tow.
I let myself go….really let myself go. I only barely have a grasp on who I am anymore, and my miserable health and mental well-being reflect that neglect. If things don’t change soon, well, let’s just say I know I’m slowly killing myself. I am so fat it’s unbelievable. I am so angry I scare myself. And I am so bitter it’s poisoning my marriage. I have to start with some self-love, and self-respect. I cannot go on the way I’ve been these last few years. It’s quite simple when you look at it… change or die. That’s where I’m at, change or die.